Categories
Aesthetics Satire

All Problems Of Management Will Be Solved By The Muntzes

Marie Antoinette

Somebody has to be holding the parcel when the music stops. Their coronation can be useful for closing any messy chapters in the (art) history books. A career awaits, the messy and unprofessional lived experience of actually doing something needs tidying up for professional presentation.

Charlie McCarthy

The gentrification of the social graph’s captured aesthetics. The managerialist pastoral of relationism applied to reclaiming the messy emergence and sociality of Web 2.0. The Foxy-Whiskered Gentleman playing at being Jemima Puddleduck.

Nelson Muntz

Pointing and laughing at YouTube videos is one thing. Pointing and laughing at the history of art computing is the same thing. This is what semiotics does in as much as it does anything. It contributes to the cultural heat death of corporate information culture. 

Categories
Satire

Black Swans and Scapegoats

As capitalism does another ideological reset the excuse du jour is that the credit crunch was a highly improbable event, a “black swan” (it’s not just a bad song by Thom Yhork).

If this is true then the people who sold unsustainable mortgages to get the commission on them then sold them on rather than take on the risk of those mortgages were behaving irrationally, because they could not have foreseen that anyone would default on them. This would raise more questions than it answers.

The problem isn’t probability. The sub-prime market was exploited in the way it was because of its probabilities, not despite them. The problem is greed. And self-pitying denial won’t disguise that, however dense the notation.

Categories
Art Computing Free Culture Generative Art Projects Satire

Surgical Strike Free Software

“Surgical Strike” was a 1996 art computing project concerned with the social history of art computing. “Surgical Strike Free Software” is a 2008 reimplementation of the original project.

Computing has trickled down from military applications through corporations to universities and finally into art practice. This history is present in the language and social assumptions of computing. This culture sits uncomfortably with the culture of art, or at least it should. Surgical Strike depicts these contradictions in the form of ironized computer art in order to make them explicit.

The source materials for Surgical Strike were military jargon, the art of William Latham (due to its status as paradigmatic “computer art” at the time), 3D models of stealth aeroplanes, 1990s computer software logos, and verbal descriptions of awkward facts from the history of commercial computing. The swirly structures of stealth bombers replaced the innocent spheres and cylinders of Latham’s computational Darwinism with more significant forms. The texturing of these forms with commercial trademarks rather than procedural textures was another level of indexicality. These were then sandwiched between texts describing things the computer industry would rather forget in the background and the source code for the depicted form asserting its primacy and interfering with the unreflective consumption of the image in the foreground.

The composition of the images produced with the original system was probably based, unconsciously, on Art & Language’s “Hostages” series. The idea of an indexical computer programming language came, again unconsciously, from PJH Halls at KIAD. The project came to me fully formed as I walked to the CEA at Middlesex University early on the morning that I desperately needed to have a project to start.

Surgical Strike proper is a toy programming language for creating patterns of textured 3D objects. The keywords of the language are intended to sound militaristic. Although Surgical Strike can use any 3D models or textures, it is intended to use models of military artefacts and images of software logos. The language features iteration but not branching or even variables so it is not Turing complete.

The original version of Surgical Strike was written in C++ using Apple’s QuickDraw 3D for Power Macintosh on Mac OS 7.x . The parser was hand-written and compiled programs were executed using a bytecode format inspired by the public documentation of Display PostScript. Given the unmaintainability of this code and possible rights issues the current version has been written from scratch.

Surgical Strike is not anti-militaristic except to the extent that it works with the assumptions of the cultures it is targeted at. Those cultures were idealistic mid-1990s art computing and mid-1990s art criticism ignorant of the content of art computing. The title is a piece of military jargon that served to illustrate the gap between depiction and reality. But the gap that it indicated was in the target cultures, not (neccessarily) between the ideals and reality of militarism.

Categories
Aesthetics Satire

Portrait of The Artist as Homo Economicus

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/04/arts/design/04pica.html

David Galenson seems to be part of the wave of culturally triumphant economic explainers who are dining out on neoliberalism’s success since that nasty business with Keynesianism in the 70s meant the economic paradigm had to be reset. They definitely have it right this time, it’s a science. You know, like Marxism was.

Galenson’s mission is to bring the explanatory pixie-dust of market economic analysis to art. The NY Times article linked above contains a number of extraordinary claims about art inspired by Galenson’s latest book. Not all are made by Galenson, but they do not contradict the quotes from him. I am hoping that Galenson’s book has been misrepresented by the article, but the article itself requires addressing.

Galenson apparently claims that markets and conceptual innovation are what differentiates Twentieth Century art from previous art. But markets in art have existed since classical times. Particularly wherever a merchant class has emerged but also with nobles and royalty. Courts are, in economic terms, markets. And the competition of different dynasties, courts or worthies for the scarce resources of artistic production constituted a monopoly only in so much as everyone who buys a can of coke does.

Michael Rushton goes further than Galenson by claiming that innovation requires markets. If there was no innovation in art prior to the existence of markets then the historical emergence of cave art is inexplicable, and tribal art must be an haullucination.

Galenson seems to claim that quantitative methods or market economics have not often been applied to art and that art history is hostile to them. This is ahistorical. There is a long history of Marxist analyses of art history, and the history of aesthetics is largely a history of economic class and economic development. The question of who pays for art, and how the sale price of a work of art relates to its aesthetic worth, is not a new one.

Galenson follows these claims with a quick count of image frequency in recent art history textbooks in order to establish the most important works of the twentieth century. But text books are not the same as the museums, journals, catalogues or collections that create the importance of works of art that these books report. Applying simple quantitative methods to this tertiary information renders them both information destroying and parasitic. At best they can prove only that someone else has proved something somewhere else.

Books were chosen because actual great art does not come to market often enough to provide useful data for quantitative analysis of what the market determines great art to be. Read that sentence again. It is fortunate indeed that Galenson didn’t have to rely on the art market to provide the information he needs to prove that markets are the producers of great works. But is there not a problem with a thesis when attempting to follow it through disproves it on a practical level?

Economics can tell us much about the sociology and history of art, as it always has. Galenson is wrong if he thinks that he is bringing new cargo to the art world. And his premises and methodology are bogus.

That said, let us suppose for a moment that Galenson is right. What would Galensonist art look like?

Since it cannot be measured by sales, it need not be expensive. No Damien Hirst skull bonds for hedge fund managers and oil oligarchs to use to out-pace the market for lesser commodities, you could sell an unmade bed as long as you get in the next art textbook. Since the interior structure of the work is irrelevant, it need not be aesthetic. Easy reproducability is more valuable than beauty or internal complexity. Since it must get in the textbooks it needs to be popular, but this need not be because of its artistic worth. It could illustrate fashionable theory or trends, and/or be produced by an artist who is good at parties.

Galenson’s artist is Tracy Emin. He is welcome to her.

The post-historical Hegelian idealism of market economics is anti-humanistic. But art is part of the human condition. It is no surprise that the figures an economist is interested in are numeric rather than compositional. The problem is that art considered quantitatively has no interior, yet it is the content of art that makes it “great”.

The failure of Galenson’s project is the failure of neoliberalism laid bare without the concealing effects of economic transition or state intervention. Markets cannot provide Galenson with the material he needs to fulfill his project. It’s a good thing we don’t have to rely on them for anything more important. Such as, say, food or energy…

Categories
Aesthetics Satire

Doctor Who And Duchamp

Duchamp’s readymades are acts of ontological transubstantiation, they nominate non-artistic objects as artworks. This is aesthetic blasphemy.

Nominating a non-art object as an artwork requires that the object not be an art object. But imagine that you have a time machine. Now you can go back in time to ancient Rome or Greece with any non-art object the artist seeks to nominate as an artwork and have it accepted as a work of art. Not declared, displayed and accepted.

Assuming you avoid paradoxes, the object will not have been nominated as an art object and will never have been a non-art object. Is this just nomination at an extra level of indirection, or does it undo the readymade?

(From a conversation with Evie.)

Categories
Satire

Some People Really Need To Stop Trying To Get Their Hand Up Your Backside

Dealing with a last-chance careerist nonentity and their agenda generates neither light nor heat. There’s a shuffling embarrassment and gazing into your glass that results from being faced with a cretin riding out. When said lackwit also persistently misrepresents what you are saying (or is too incompetent to stump for a clue), giving them the oxygen of google juice is an own goal.

I like blog art and group blogs. I would go to bat for them. I don’t like semiowankery or art-historical overbidding or chin-stroking, ladder-climbing, self-regarding idiots who don’t know the genealogy of Claris Works. Of the two principles, the latter is the stronger.

British libel law, eh? What can you do.

Categories
Aesthetics Satire

In the Anon. Meeting Of Mined

Oh fuck not semiotics.Semitotics is a “geddit???” after somebody else’s joke. If you have to explain the joke you kill it. What you kill you gain the power of.Semiotics is the cold dead hand of the bad ventriloquist. It is ideological formalism. It is the fractality of discourse written only in ink.Semiotics is semantic management. You get to define the terms and to evaluate your own performance through others against them. And to claim the surplus as your own creation.There is nothing wrong with significatory exegesis. It can be illuminating. There is nothing wrong with sociohistorically situating significatory exegesis. Freud collapses when the text of his discourse is deconstructed against the text (sic) of his life. I enjoy a good hard deconstruction, particularly with an improving book.Creating art specifically for semiopsy is fetishistic, indeed it is pornographic. This is unfair on pornography, which is system of signs the density, interiority and indexicality of which postmodern art can only dream of, but it is accurate. Semiowankery is not good art, semiowankerywankery is not good criticism.They do not often survive deconstruction.

Categories
Aesthetics Satire

Why I Didn’t Like American McGee’s Alice

Scene: A restaurant, interior, night.

A man sits at a table, holding a menu.

A waiter approaches.

Man: Ah, waiter. I’m ready to order. I’ll have the pate for starter, steak (rare, please) and fries with a side salad for main course, and the creme brulee for pudding. Can you recommend something to go with that?

Waiter: Certainly, sir. If I might recommend the zinfandel this evening?

Man: Yes I think I shall have a glass of that. Thank you, waiter.

The waiter walks off.

The man gazes off into the distance as he waits for his starter.

After a few moments the waiter returns, pulling a ruminating cow behind him on a piece of rope.

Sound effect: Moo!

Waiter: Your steak sir.

Man: What?!

Waiter: Your steak, sir.

Man: What?!

The waiter holds up a chainsaw and pulls his goggles over his eyes. He pulls the starter cord on the chainsaw.

Sound effect: Chainsaw petrol engine revving up.

Man (shouting): Look I just want some steak, cooked rare, in its capacity as part of a satisfying meal of subtle and varied flavours!

Waiter (revving down chainsaw): But sir, you ordered steak.

Man: Yes, about twelve ounces of it, prepared in the kitchens, as part of the main course of a meal. With fries and a side salad. After a starter.

Waiter (stopping chainsaw): But sir, surely if you want steak, you want more steak than you can possibly eat, steak to eleven as it were? Forget the rest of the meal, forget the subtle richness of the experience, don’t you just want to go for the full-on core proposition of the meal qua meal, i.e. the hacked up dead cow?

Man: What?

Waiter: The full experience of everything that steak can possibly mean, an immersive sensurround of steak! The visceral experience of steak, the subtexts of steak desublimated and given full reign to finally realise what we all know steak to be, steak set free! Steeeeaaaaaakkkkk!

Man: What?

Waiter: You want a bloodbath of steak you tart, don’t deny it!

Man: I bloody well do deny it.

Waiter (Pulling the starter on the chainsaw again): Ah, shut up you reactionary old square. You don’t have the first clue what you’re talking about. Steeeeaaaaaakkkkk! Steeeeaaaaaakkkkk!

Categories
Satire

Incentivization

Scene: A bank boardroom somewhere in the North of England. Eight bored-looking old men are sat around an oval table.

A sharply-dressed young MBA walks in, opens his laptop, and connects it to the video projector currently throwing a silent re-enactment of Derek Jarman’s ‘Blue’ onto the wall. A powerpoint slide flickers into view.

MBA: Right guys, so what we’re looking at here is the increase in the bank’s monetarizably leveragible resourcary instances this year. This is an annuitized fiscalistic product, a complex of offset and re-contextualized future elements with contingencies virtualized and re-incorporated. Now if you remember, my incentivisatory package stipulates that I will get a million pounds for every 100% increase in profits, so five million pounds are being wired to my account as we speak.

Old Man 1: I didn’t understand a word of that, so it must be good.

Old Man 2: And of course we get bonuses based on this as well.

Old Man 3: Wonderful. So let’s see the projections for next year.

MBA: The what?

Old Man 3: The projections. For next year.

MBA: Oh I see. Nope, I don’t have any.

Old Man 4: You don’t have any idea how the business will increase next year?

MBA: Look, you said to me “grow the revenue streams this year” and I have. It’s a bit late to start worrying about what you are going to do next year now!

Old Man 5: What do you mean?

MBA: Well I’ve just lent seventy billion pounds worth of mortgages to idiots who couldn’t afford to repay them if they sold their kidneys to Gordon Ramsey! How else do you think I got the arrangement fees so high!

Old Man 6: Ohhhhh…

MBA: Next year. Pffff.

Old Man 7: So, young man, how did you get the money for these mortgages?

MBA: Oh I borrowed it. Don’t worry, it’s only short-term loans so it won’t show up on the books as a long-term commitment and depress the share price.

Old Man 8: And what happens when these short-term loans expire?

MBA: Well that doesn’t happen until next year. So it really isn’t part of my remit.

Old Man 3: So what you are telling us is that you have caused this bank to take on a hundred and forty billion dollars of short term loans in order to get the arrangement fees from selling mortgages to people who cannot possibly afford to repay them?

MBA: Absolutimondo.

Old Man 3: And you did this because you would get a bonus based on poorly chosen short-term indicators?

MBA: Booyakashan!

Old Man 3: Without any consideration that this might destroy not just this company but the wider economy?

MBA: Kapow!

Old Man 3: You do know you shouldn’t have done that…

MBA: Pfff. Based on which principle of microeconomics?

Categories
Aesthetics Satire

Grammatical Fallacies Exposed

I had the misfortune to find a book called “Economic fallacies Exposed” in Oxfam today. It’s a collection of Market-Hegelian screeds that perform the same cheap trick each time for a presumably captive audience:Firstly an ethical, cultural, environmental (etc.) statement is translated into a fallacious economic statement.Secondly, that fallacious economic statement is shown to be fallacious.Thirdly, this demonstration of fallaciousness is used to dismiss the original statement.The results are stunning. Ethical, cultural, environmental (etc.) statements are shown to be utterly false by a kind of null-underwritten truthiness that would find utter bogosity an unreachable aspiration.To demonstrate the problem with this strategy, here is an excerpt from the book “Grammatical Fallacies Exposed”:The Free Market Is Benefit At Society.This is nonsense. Free Markets are therefore evil.Government Are Baddest To Regulating Corporate Activity, What Harms.This is double nonsense. Unregulated corporate activity must therefore be prevented by government intervention.Economists Are Having Understanding Of Economicalityness.This isn’t even trying to look grammatical. Economists are therefore ignorant dolts.