Free Culture Satire

Granada Can Fuck Right Off

My copy of “The Company Of Wolves” DVD came from Amazon. Good film (90% of reviewers miss the point of it entirely, so ignore IMDB), terrible package.

The tacky metal cover (easy to scratch?) and the dearth of extras (no ‘making of’ despite the fact that one exists) are as nothing compared to what awaits the innocent viewer when they make the mistake of actually trying to watch their fifteen quid’s worth of media.

For what seems like an eternity, a terrible sub-flash animation warns you NOT TO PIRATE FILMS BECAUSE IT IS STEEEAAAALLLLIIINGGGG!

Imagine, for a moment, what it would be like if you punished your paying customers in this way (reminiscent of a teacher who tells off the children present in class for the number of absences) in other media.

Mobile phones that announce in a breathless recorded message that you mustn’t steal mobile phones. Every time you go to make a call.

Cars that have vinyl lettering on the inside of their windows telling you not to steal cars. That you’re not allowed to peel off.

Books with “DON’T STEAL BOOKS” watermarked on the page. On the first page of every chapter.

You get the idea.

I’ve never wanted to copy a DVD before. But if there was an easy way of copying this particular DVD to strip this amateurish mood-breaker off of the beginning I’d be sorely tempted.

So well done Granada (extremely self-congratulatory publisher of this DVD), your hard work against piracy is certainly having an effect.